happy.

oh how i wish i could've captured that moment on film. i don't think my words are enough, either. i've been searching for a picture to accompany this post, but nothing quite cuts it like it should. this'll have to do.

i drove to your house. it was raining moderately outside, and we went out to go get sushi for dinner. to go. we waited in the restaurant and watched the fish in the aquarium dart back and forth. we went back in my car, and i drove us back. you had your arm around me as i drove. we were stopped at a light, and i looked over at you and you looked at me, and a smile unfolded on both of our faces. a quiet, earnest smile.

for as long as i can remember, i haven't been able to just smile at someone like that and have them smile back at me. i always end up laughing. and i know we've both smiled at each other like that before, but it's just the fact that we can.
i've never loved anyone like i love you.

there are just some moments i wish i could have captured on film. but maybe there are some moments too beautiful to be captured by anything but our hearts.


12 fingers - young the giant
"your heart beats just like i wanted it to, and you want it too."


where i thought i met the angels - the tallest man on earth
i came across this song today. the guitar is perfect for quiet nights and reminiscing.


photo by sarak hellas.

it's been a while since i've written anything. so long ago that, i think the last time i wrote anything poem-like was in 2009. anyway, i scribbled this down last night. i kinda like it. bear with me.

tapioca

sometimes you just need to surprise your boyfriend with tapioca and thai tea (and pull up to his house and notice that he's outside lifting weights). sweaty kisses are better than no kisses at all.

oh how i wish i brought my camera. i hate having this feeling.

photo by chibi mech.

retreat

every once in a while, i come to this blog as a retreat from other places. it's quiet here, and i feel like it's a little secret. i have a lot (i think, too much, actually) of followers on tumblr, and i don't feel like i can really say much about myself without exposing myself. i don't like that. there's no way i'm going to start saying junk on facebook, since that site is so tacky. here, i feel better. i have a small audience. only a few people know about this blog, and i think i'll keep it that way. plus, i doubt that the people on tumblr following me actually click the link to this blog. it's nice.

anyway, i've been thinking about a few things that i need to put into work.

• i need to start taking more pictures. with my digital and with my film.
• with that being said, i actually need to get film developed. i have two complete rolls sitting on my dresser and one more in my camera that's almost complete and by then, i'll have three rolls. i've been so diligent before about not letting the rolls pile up because i know how bad that gets. (i had about 14 rolls waiting to get developed last december, oy) but. the walgreens that i go to for film processing was shut down for about a month and a half because of a fire, so i was stuck. now it's open again, but for some reason, i'm skeptical about going back because i have this fear that the developing won't be the same. i just don't want to fuck up my film. or rather, have them fuck up my film.
• use this blog a little more. especially with more personal posts. i have to have some outlet, right? tumblr and facebook aren't really an option anymore.

both photos by barbara & michael leisgen: mimesis, 1970s