hello there, i'm alive

Apparently, the last time I posted to this blog was December 2011. I haven't kept up many other places except instagram and tumblr, but even then I've taken a sabbatical from tumblr and've cut down the chaos on insta. I was at Paul's parents' house and quietly working on some homework after helping him and his dad fix the broken garage door, and oddly remembered this blog for some reason. Hey there, nostalgia.

Over 3 years later, hello again. Here's to hopefully getting back to blogging and back to film photography. So much has changed. But it's so funny how some things change the same. (hi Paul)

I'm over 2 years deep in my nursing career, living on my own in the heart of Houston, and seeking out adventures I never thought I'd be able to go on. Ah.

better

a few weeks ago i started on this slow slope downwards into a rut that climaxed two wednesdays ago. i felt really bad and i didn't know where to place it or why i was feeling that way. everything was fine. school was alright, friends were awesome, family was okay, paul and i were doing wonderfully, but nonetheless i still felt sad. 

today was so beautiful outside, it was about 70 degrees, sunny, and with a breeze. i had a test in management today, and even though it was a little bit harder than i expected, i think it's safe to say i'm feeling leagues better. i have another test thursday which i'm pretty scared about, just because of the sheer volume of information that it's covering. hopefully i can pass that one. i need to. i'm scared though.

paul's birthday is also on thursday which i'm excited about, he's turning 23! i have a big surprise planned out for him on saturday, which i'm super super excited about and i just hope that it doesn't rain. i'm not gonna put any details on here either if in some case he's reading this (in which case... hi.). 

anyway, i'm excited about this weekend and hopefully i can be superwoman tomorrow and study a ton. today i got a new camera in the mail and i'm so stoked to start taking it everywhere with me. i also (as you can see) had a little self-portrait therapy at the end of my asthma study session. i like it, especially since i haven't taken proper photos of myself in a while.

cheers!

happy.

oh how i wish i could've captured that moment on film. i don't think my words are enough, either. i've been searching for a picture to accompany this post, but nothing quite cuts it like it should. this'll have to do.

i drove to your house. it was raining moderately outside, and we went out to go get sushi for dinner. to go. we waited in the restaurant and watched the fish in the aquarium dart back and forth. we went back in my car, and i drove us back. you had your arm around me as i drove. we were stopped at a light, and i looked over at you and you looked at me, and a smile unfolded on both of our faces. a quiet, earnest smile.

for as long as i can remember, i haven't been able to just smile at someone like that and have them smile back at me. i always end up laughing. and i know we've both smiled at each other like that before, but it's just the fact that we can.
i've never loved anyone like i love you.

there are just some moments i wish i could have captured on film. but maybe there are some moments too beautiful to be captured by anything but our hearts.


12 fingers - young the giant
"your heart beats just like i wanted it to, and you want it too."


where i thought i met the angels - the tallest man on earth
i came across this song today. the guitar is perfect for quiet nights and reminiscing.


photo by sarak hellas.

it's been a while since i've written anything. so long ago that, i think the last time i wrote anything poem-like was in 2009. anyway, i scribbled this down last night. i kinda like it. bear with me.

retreat

every once in a while, i come to this blog as a retreat from other places. it's quiet here, and i feel like it's a little secret. i have a lot (i think, too much, actually) of followers on tumblr, and i don't feel like i can really say much about myself without exposing myself. i don't like that. there's no way i'm going to start saying junk on facebook, since that site is so tacky. here, i feel better. i have a small audience. only a few people know about this blog, and i think i'll keep it that way. plus, i doubt that the people on tumblr following me actually click the link to this blog. it's nice.

anyway, i've been thinking about a few things that i need to put into work.

• i need to start taking more pictures. with my digital and with my film.
• with that being said, i actually need to get film developed. i have two complete rolls sitting on my dresser and one more in my camera that's almost complete and by then, i'll have three rolls. i've been so diligent before about not letting the rolls pile up because i know how bad that gets. (i had about 14 rolls waiting to get developed last december, oy) but. the walgreens that i go to for film processing was shut down for about a month and a half because of a fire, so i was stuck. now it's open again, but for some reason, i'm skeptical about going back because i have this fear that the developing won't be the same. i just don't want to fuck up my film. or rather, have them fuck up my film.
• use this blog a little more. especially with more personal posts. i have to have some outlet, right? tumblr and facebook aren't really an option anymore.

both photos by barbara & michael leisgen: mimesis, 1970s

european influence

two nights ago i had a dream about being at an open european cafe, sitting alongside someone special to me.

first photo by aurelie auger, second photo by lita, third photo by unknown photographer.

missing manhattan

i keep missing manhattan more and more.

today in church i kind of zoned out and realized how close i am to everything.

for the first time, i felt like i could touch it. for the first time.

got a little flame in my heart now telling me i'm not going back.

i mean- the notion of living in NYC has always been a HUGE driving force in my life, but today i feel like it's hell bent and absolutely nothing can stop me now.

this post is probably a little bit too personal for me to be putting it up online. but, whatever.

everything is so exciting right now.

this week: studying, studying, lecture, test, practicum, careplans, last clinical :(

next week: studying, studying, studying, IAMDONALD (!!!!!!!!), last lecture, practicum

third week: studying, studying, studying, studying my face off, FINAL, studying, HESI

then break! i'm stressed, but it feels good. i think i'm more excited than stressed.

ready to start - arcade fire

finally got into them last night, i'm happy i did. i like the suburbs a lot.


first and last picture by joshua sinn, second by damien polegato, third by dave knapik.

mornings

raw mornings

where the only things that matter are the yolk and the solitude

donald glover

how much do i love donald glover? a lot. the answer is a lot.

had a dream last night that started somewhere in the middle of me walking with him backstage after one of his performances and we were just kind of talking and smiling and being cute and whatever. people were around us but they didn't notice (or mind). i was wearing some sort of strapless wrap dress and at one point he put his (leopard print, i kid you not. dreams are weird.) jacket around me. ONLY IN MY DREAMS.

all of a sudden he's turning to go up a stairwell and i'm following him and then alison brie (as annie edison in this dream) is jealously pleading me to not get with him or something like that. donald tells me to go into his dressing room to wait for him. next thing I know, i'm in his dressing room. i wonder what's in his jacket pockets. right pocket: receipt from some expensive clothing store. left pocket: a weird retractable pencil, small paintbrushes, and bacon. 

bacon.

wake up, gabby.

woke up with this in my head.

i love clothes (deadbeat summer) - childish gambino
i usually wake up with a song already playing in my head. one of life's little pleasures.

top photo is by lauren marek. bottom photo is from band of outsiders ss2010, found via.

eyes

wipe the sun out of my eyes. 

i've been struggling with my faith, a lot more lately than usual. usually it was just something i would push aside, but i don't think i want that anymore. 

i'm trying. 

we all try - frank ocean
can honestly say that this song has changed something deep in my heart, not only musically, but through the message also.
mad props to andrew for introducing me to frank ocean, sporadically one day.

thank you jackie for taking this picture even though i still feel weird being the subject of them.

life updates

photo by june li

“Ever since nursing school, life makes so much more sense.”

                   —Marylou

How can I describe things right now? In progress. I'm in the process of making things better. I guess I always am. A year ago, I had so much willpower. I guess it was the process of being reborn into the person I am right now, but I don't want to stop evolving. I want to be better. Things were so different then. I can honestly say that life/school has changed me so much as a person in the last year and it's such a humbling feeling. 

Been listening to almost nonstop Childish Gambino lately. Running is getting easier. Gonna make some monthly goals for myself as soon as I get my new Moleskine. Studying more. Sleeping earlier (okay maybe only on some days). But I'm definitely getting up earlier. It's time to kick things up a notch.

february resolutions

photo by cori kindred

Things to do in February:

• read more
• work out

That's it.

stupid pricey shit

ecote rucksack

After what seemed like endless waiting, the Ecote Rucksack is finally mine to cherish! I thought I was going to have to save up for it and buy it on my own, but as a gift, my mom actually ended up getting it for me. She said "but you're almost done with school!" Four semesters to go? Hardly. It's still hard to believe that in exactly one year, I'll be starting my last semester of nursing school. It seems like my life revolves around school, but it's exactly that. And I like it that way. I feel like I'll be a perpetual student until I get my DNP. (Which is okay) I just want a lot out of life and a lot out of my education. I don't think that's so wrong. Use 'em if you got 'em, right?

I've gotten some new notebooks, new writing utensils, some flashcards, and a new clipboard and I think I'm all set. I've always loved the beginnings of things. I'm excited.

On the other hand, I've been thinking almost endlessly about life and just being happy with what you have. The other day I watched Louis C.K.'s Hilarious and I'm glad that we do get it, enough to make some humor out of it. I think we just forget how lucky we are to have such good lives. No matter what emotional turmoil or whatever we're in, just remember that we're privileged to have clean water to drink and a roof over our heads. There are just some problems that really aren't problems at all. Not meaning to quote Sheryl Crow, but it's definitely about wanting what you've got. I think I've found something to work on for 2011.

Hope this semester treats everyone well.